So now, over 4 years later in higher education and 6 years since I've been in an elementary school classroom and knocking at 30's door -- I think I have reached that point too. The love for learning has always been there but this is a new kind of learning -- instead of focusing on specific content like how to be a better professional and such, I'm now focused on learning about life. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not only knocking at 30 but I'm also knocking at some higher level thinking that we typically give MLK Jr., Ghandi and idk maybe even Oprah the credit for living in a constant state of. When I wonder that, I normally jump back in humilty saying that I'm probably thinking too much and I should just get over it.
But maybe I'm shouldn't...
For the last year, I've been reading a whole lot more. Sometimes I think I should have a bumper sticker on my head saying "I break for books." Ok. That was a little lame but I digress and working on being more vulnerable haha. It's only a few weeks ago that I was in the library on campus and decided that it was time I venture into reading some books about life. Not just the fun page-turners like Gone Girl or Where'd You Go Bernadette? but real ones like Marian Wright Edelman's The Sea is So Wide and My Boat is So Small: Charting a Course for the Next Generation. What an interesting and inspiring step this has been! I admit, this interest was probably sparked by my Super Soul Sunday marathons on Oprah but nonetheless, it's given me a great outlook on life about being open to putting positive life thoughts into my head.
Let me explain and take Brene Brown's advice to be a little vulnerable. I turn 29 in a few days and I am experiencing quite the anxiety inside. I'll say this now and probably take this back later, but I don't think it has much to do with the fact that my Dad died young but more with the fact that I am getting closer and closer to having most of my life behind me. This whole 30 is the new 20? Ha! Nope. It's still 30 and that was still 20.
So I've been thinking a lot about this new decade I'm entering and it hit me while reading the interview between Brene Brown and Oprah in her magazine...I have so much to soak in to become the amazing that I am destined to be. Now this isn't vain in the way I say amazing because the kind of amazing I want to be is actually pouring my heart and soul into bettering the life of others - being the best version of me is to plant the seed for someone else to be the best version of themselves. I'm starting to learn that this could be the true meaning of love. Certainly, that's what I think God has done for us and if I'm heading the right way, I should be doing that as well.
On my walk over to my office today, I'm reading this article Ginny gave me and I'm thinking "Wow. I'm like a squirrel who needs to store up for the winter so I can come back in the spring in full gear!" That's me, always thinking of an analogy. (According to my MBTI, it's just part of who I am and I'm ok with that.) So what does that really mean? I just feel as though I have this urgency to take the opportunity to really soak up a lot of "input" because in a short while, my time will come to be amazing! For now, I'll just soak it all in while I can so when the moment comes to be vulnerable, amazing will just flow on out.
So today, I'm going to accept the fact that there is something going on inside of me that is causing me to be drawn to all these great books and insights on the world and living the best life. I'm not going to think I'm a dork, I'm just being cultivated so that when the time comes to open my mouth, amazing will come out. What a great way to spend the end of my 20s... being enlightened and preparing to be vulnerable to the world.
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