Firstly, I want to tell you that you are loved. So much. We have thought about you probably even before Mom knew Dad would be your Dad and before Dad knew Mom would be your Mom. Actually, because I'm the one writing to you, Dad probably knew that I would be your Mom way before I did... but I digress. Take that up with your loving father. As I was saying, Dad and I have loved you before your conception. So much so that we have no idea when you will arrive in our lives or how you will arrive yet you have become like household names to us. I smile just thinking about how excited your dad and I get about raising a family and how much we can't wait to love and guide you to be the best version of yourselves that you can be.
With that said, we acknowledge that this will be a great task before us in our future. We know that raising you will probably give breath to some of our proudest moments, our biggest mistakes, the most tears, and the most smiles we could ever experience. What a journey we are excited about but take with such humility and reverence to raise future leaders and change-makers in the world. Ok so maybe Dad would think, as long as we don't have you guys walking around looking disheveled and being disrespectful then we have done right by you. Forgive your Mom for thinking big picture and forgetting the little details to get there but you will be leaders and change-makers, who are not disheveled or disrespectful.
Anywho, we have interacted with a number of parents over the years that we have served as college educators and watched movies and tv shows that make us think about the things we will or won't do when you are born. While I know this may change by the time you are born, I thought it would be good to write some of our thoughts down so just in case it doesn't change, you can see why we are so stubborn with the way we raise you... simply because we have been thinking about this longer than you've been alive. So here goes our thoughts on parenting before we became your parents.
You will learn to be respectful to all adults.
There is nothing more upsetting than a child, teenager or young adult who are not respectful to adults. Dad and I have seen students assume that we are their peers and show no sign of respect for us and it is beyond deplorable. My dad always said "Pretty face and bad attitude don't mix" and that has never left me. Honey, you can have the best hair and physique on the block but the only way you will be treated well is if you first learn how to respect others. It is simply not ok to walk around thinking that adults you interact with should come to your beckon call when you ask for something or "do as you say to do". Adults are not your friends unless they are your friends when you both are adults. Adults are humans. They make mistakes. They make dumb decisions. One day you will realize that and it will be disappointing but even then, you should be respectful. Now this can look very many ways but it does not look like sending emails to your professor or supervisor talking to them in "any ol' way" like you are all-knowing and they are below you. Regardless of what they do, we will teach you how to disagree and voice your opinion in a respectful manner. Mom and Dad have become pretty good at that when dealing with some of our students' parents and former supervisors. Trust us. This will take you farther than the good looks we gave you.
You will be self-sufficient.
I can't say this but any other way... "No child of ours will not know how to hold their own." I had trouble with this when I was younger and I'm going to assume that Dad did too. There were a number of times that we felt our parents kinda just left us to do us. For example, I remember there were times when I would see other kids around me have their Mom with them for everything! Sitting with them in the DMV while they waited for their license, checking into their college residence hall, etc. Oftentimes I would think, "Man, why does Mom have me doing this all by myself." But now that I'm older, I see how much independence that gave me to do some of these things on my own. My mom never left me hanging our never showed up to big events and even little ones like field hockey games and such. She is definitely very present but she also knew when to fall back to help foster my independence. There are times when Mom and Dad are not going to help you with things and you are going to be frustrated. Other parents may be toe in toe with their kids while you will see yours falling back and challenging you to take the lead and be one your own. This is not because we want to leave you hanging. This is so we know that when you are 18 and you are heading off to college, we know this independence is not going to be new to you. You would have made enough responsible decisions under our guidance and on your own that you won't feel unprepared and my goodness possibly look like you can't think on your own. My goodness that will not happen. Now in the same breath, do not take advantage of this independence we give you. Dad and I will know when to give you independence and when not to. When you're in our care, assume we know best at all times and we'll ask you if we need more information in making a decision on what to allow you to be independent or not to give you some independence. We were teenagers and children once.
Things Your Dad Says...
I would have to say those two are nuggets of parenting that have become very apparent to me in the last few days. Respect and self-sufficiency is lacking in young adult generation today and I don't want you to be a part of it. As for your Dad, he's a funny man and I love him for it. God help us when you all finally arrive because this is what he says now...(As I sit here, I can't stop laughing because this man I married cracks me up with some things he says and I can't believe I'm going to write them down to show you one day...bahahahahaha)
- When the kids ask to go shopping, you know where I'm taking them? The bookstore. They don't need new shoes until they've got holes in them. We're going to live by your (your mom's) values. (Long story... I can explain later. lol)
- Our children will be Flinstones before they get cars.
- Just in case you had late night visits to our room... here's what to expect to hear from Dad. "This is my room. You got your room. You need to go in your room.
- The only instagram my kids gonna know about is in math class. Kilograms, megagrams, micrograms and instagrams.
- Our child is going to have perfect attendance. They're going to go to school on Sunday night and wait for the bell to ring on Monday so they don't miss a minute.
Amber, you know, I was two years in Viet Nam. Do you know what I thought about, what I dreamt about? Coming home, having a family, having grandkids. I dreamt you, Amber. And Haddie, and Drew, and Sydney and Max. We almost lost ya Amber. You've had some bad breaks. You're not feeling good about yourself. You didn't get into Berkeley? Well boo friggin who. You got to suck it up girl, you're a Braverman. You got my blood in your veins. If you ever do something like this again, if you even think of doing something like this again, I will kick your little butt all the way from here to the Golden Gate Bridge. You do not have my permission to mess with my dreams. Are we clear?
I guarantee, you will probably hear us say this to you but otherwise, just remember this is how we hope to parent...
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