A few months before the wedding, I started exploring what it would be like if my last relaxer happened to be the last one before Brad and I got married again. I kept wondering, "Am I really going to do this? What is my hair going to look like? Am I going to be rocking the afro-puff because I don't think the afro-puff is really me." It wasn't long before I really started taking notes from my post-transition sisters and cousins who had started to fall in love with their natural hair all over again. They all took very different routes to get there and it all involved talking with each other, reading blogs and watching a ton of You-Tube videos. They have set such great examples and although I don't know the texture my hair will be, I truly look forward to having healthy and full hair just like them.
Many black women make this change with what I've learned many call "transitioning buddies". My heart sunk a little when I saw this term thinking that a "transitioning buddy" had to be local. To be honest, my first thought was, "Here we go with another reminder of the slight void I have in Wilmington." As I continued reading, I found that there were so many resources online and let's not forget, a family and husband who were so supportive when I texted or said...I'm finally going to do this. God gave me quite the team of TBs and I know during the most tangled and nappiest of moments, I'm going to be just fine.
So why now? I'm not to sure. There are a number of things that led me to this decision. It leads me to believe that my bigger question is "Why not?" I think about the example I would like to set for our potential daughter one day, knowing that we won't be relaxing her hair. I think about avoiding the burning and over processing when hairdressers change. I think about how this will be a journey of embracing my natural beauty. I think about how this decision aligns with my preparing my body for pregnancy by attempting to be in the best health. I think about how I will be able to really exercise my creativity with different looks without the guilt of knowing the damage I'm putting my hair through. All these thoughts make my smile!
And then I get nervous because like many, I have a number of hesitations.
1. Living in a location and working in a field that is predominately majority, I hesitate being the source of all the natural hair questions. For real, I don't even know much about natural hair right now -- I can just feel my eyes beginning to roll if I begin to feel like the black hair expert when I just happen to be black and have hair. On the flip side, if I'm the first to share this experience with others, I am happy to make it easier for the next natural hair black girl that crosses their path.
2. I wonder if I'm going to get tired of having to do my hair every night. Brad knows this already. I am great at just falling asleep when it's time to go to bed. Whether or not my hair is in a bun, wrapped or all over the place - wen di sleep cetch mi, mi dun. Who knows? Maybe I won't have to do my hair every night. This may be a great opportunity to get into a true beauty regimen. Oh goodness. Will I make calendar appointments for this? Sometimes that's just how I work. Oh dear. Cueing Anal Annie.
3. The unknown. I have already read a number of blogs about this. No one knows what their texture will look like after the new growth has really come in. I think about what my hair was like when I was younger but I really can't tell based on that either. What if I don't like it? Hmm... not really an option. I will love it, I keep telling myself.
Either way, it's a decision I'm going to stick by. Writing it down and sharing it with my little world will help me through this. I'm so over getting relaxers and really want my hair to be the most healthy it can be. If I need to be in a convertible anytime soon with the top down, let's be honest, I'm one Dominican blow out away from a straightened hair special event.
Look out world... the journey of to a new "hair" me begins here.
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