The Sunday Morning Issue

Dane Tilghman's Going to Church

 Every Sunday morning, my mind wakes me with the same question. "Where will you go to church today?" About a year ago or maybe even a few months ago, I used to joke around about whether or not I wanted to praise white Jesus or black Jesus. It as pretty funny but at the core of that joke, there was a truth that I deal with every Sunday morning.

Living in Wilmington has presented a bit of a challenge for me when it comes to the cultural distribution in the area. Most environments that which we place ourselves are uni-racial and I could probably go through a day without seeing anyone hispanic, Indian or West Indian for that matter. It made me drag my feet just a little bit more when we got back from home after break knowing that I would be pinned under feeling like "the only black girl" or faced with the struggle of looking for an integrated atmosphere. If you live in Wilmington, I know what you may be thinking... but you're not the only black girl Jem. Ok name them. I guarantee you probably haven't left your first hand especially if you haven't included students. Think about it.

Now, I could sit here and present the caveats or cushion the blow of reality to those who may be reading my blog wondering why does it matter if you are surrounded by people who look like you. That's not all there is to diversity or cultural integration. I could but I won't because if you know me, you know that I'm pretty aware of that and would fight all day and night for someone to not see it that way. However, the educator in me will ask you to try giving this a whirl...

If I had to choose my top 5 identities, they would include the following: Woman, Black Caribbean, Christian, Educator and Family Member (wife/sister/daughter). 4 of these identities are thriving within our social and collegiate circles that were are a part of in Wilmington. What lacks most here is my connection with identifying with other Black Caribbean people. In the south, these are separate identities. You're black and then you happen to be Caribbean - "What?! You mean your ancestors are related to Bob Marley!? Speak Patois for me." To me, I've been raised to know this as a fused identity. Either way, as you can see, if you listed your 5 strongest identities and crossed one off the list, would you then feel a void? Inevitably yes. Now back to my Sunday morning issue.

I have bounced between two churches since I've lived here. Port City Community Church - a predominately white and young congregation with a very contemporary praise & worship style and a young minister who does an awesome job of teaching the word in a way that I leave there and get it. Our other church is Macedonia Missionary Baptist Church - a predominately black church with an older congregation that sings songs I know and with a couple of jumps, hops and shouts amidst the sermon and to close the service, a minister who certainly preaches the word in a relateable way to is congregation. Sounds like they are both great options.

At Port City, I feel singled out. I helped out with Sunday School for a semester and all of a sudden ended up on the website. I'm sure there was a conversation of "oh this is a great picture" but um, that was the conversation out loud. No one knew my name really and although I went for a number of consecutive days it was always as if I was new every week. I don't know. Just no solid connection and I felt singled out and alone and yes I tried a small group. I didn't feel the connection there either.

At Macedonia, Brad and I have gone there regularly together when our work schedule allows yet I don't think anyone has ever came up to us and introduced themselves. We blend in even though we are probably one of the few young black couples that attend. I've tried to attend other events during the week but was kindly reminded once that some events were members-only and even though B and I couldn't stop laughing about it, I was a bit turned off.

Now I have done a share of church hopping but where can you even begin? I, of course like any Millenial, start with Google. I start with a simple query - churches in Wilmington. Guess what happens? The same thing when you google hairdressers (still bitter... for another blog). Mostly predominately white churches pop up and you see no integration within the newsletter pictures or pastoral staff. So if I'm looking for something more integrated, what do I do? I search the flip side - black churches. Maybe 2 or 3 websites pop up. I'll let you make decisions about why that happened. Today, I found this...

Baptist churches branching out | WWAY NewsChannel 3 | Wilmington NC News

A story about the voluntary segregation that occurs on a Sunday morning in Wilmington. Awesome. 

There are so many layers to these thoughts I have shared. For example, how it feels to "stand out" in a black church simply because of what you decided to wear to church that day and how it makes you LOOK like you're too bougie or don't want to be spoken to OR maybe the fact that I did grow up in predominately black Caribbean churches and maybe that could be what I'm really missing - a little calypso in my praise & worship.

That's not it though. Any positive experience I have had in a church has been at a church where I feel welcomed as I am. My favorite church of all times that I found by my traditional church hop whenever I move somewhere new was Cornerstone Church in Athens, Georgia. What a gem. It was everything I ever looked for! Welcoming staff, a fusion of contemporary and traditional praise & worship, young couples of all different ethnicities, a minister who knew the people, and a congregation who reached out beyond just simple pleasantries. A Sunday when I teared up during the sermon, someone really checked in with me after the service. The minister was happy to research churches in Wilmington when I told him I was moving and unfortunately had no connects. (Awesome. Smh.) 

I want to find that again. I truly adore my church home in the Bronx and Brad's church home in Petersburg (love his church!). This journey to find our church is a hard one but I know what I'm looking for... a welcoming church with ministries that will help us grow in Christ. So what happens now? I pray about it way more than I have been and let God lead the way. So here is to trying a new church and being resilient when today's church is not the one God intended for us to rest our searching souls.